Fix a Sexless Marriage

Relationships don’t die because of a lack of love, they die because of a lack of passion.

When you met your partner, you felt a tremendous sense of passion toward them. This manifested itself both on an emotional and physical level. You couldn’t stop learning about one another and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. The two of you got married and felt like you were on top of the world – but lately, things are different.

You can’t pinpoint when things began to change, but over time, you stopped being so physical with one another. Maybe it’s because the newness of the relationship has worn off, or perhaps there are more stressful things in your shared life now like kids, new job responsibilities or financial struggles that have caused things to fizzle. The relationship is still in tact but you’ve lost that necessary intimacy you need to keep your love alive.

As much as you hate to admit it, your relationship has lost its passion, and as a result, you no longer know what to do in a sexless marriage.

Everyone responds to losing the physical aspect of their marriage in a different way. Some people convince themselves it’s normal, that they shouldn’t care and should keep a brave face, while others let it destroy their union over time. No matter how you feel about it right now, it’s not too late to work through it with your partner. Commit to reigniting that lost sense of passion by learning to communicate openly with your partner, work to regain that physical intimacy and ultimately fix sexless marriage issues.

Can a sexless marriage survive?

As for those marriages which are sexually inactive for a long period of time, this is a very valid question. Marriage without sex is rarely heard of and learning how to survive a sexless marriage is not easy.

Yet, many marriages do survive without romance, emotion, passion, and sex, but even in cultures where marriages are strictly utilitarian, engaged in for the purpose of economy, religion, or duty, sex and intimacy are often still integral in these situations as a duty of a wife to her husband, and vice versa.

Though it may sound strange, it’s actually pretty smart and sensible –the people of these cultures recognize the undeniable existence of their basic primal urges, and whether for the purpose of procreation or not – they support one another in this area as well.

How does one cope with a marriage without sex?

This may be an unfair question; the question essentially asks how to do more with less. Coping with a marriage lacking in intimacy looks like a plant trying to cope without water.

Lack of Intimacy: Living in a Sexless Marriage

There are can be numerous reasons behind the lack of intimacy in a marriage like menopause, age, hormonal issues, and sexual dysfunction. Physical intimacy being an indispensable element in a relationship, marriage without sex can pose a threat to a relationship. But, it is even more difficult to find out how to survive a sexless marriage.

Intimacy issues are not uncommon, and they can certainly be difficult to handle or awkward to address.

The reality of marriage without sex, where lack of intimacy is writ large, can be downright devastating for those living in a marriage without intimacy.

No sex in marriage is not something extremely unheard of, there are all kinds of couples.

There are marriages which survive without sex, intimacy, and romance, however, but these are the attributes that set the relationship between a husband and a wife apart from all other familial ties.

Intimacy pertains to the close, connected feelings partners build with one another over time; and the physical and emotional bond that is achieved in healthy relationships.

Living in a marriage with no sex: Sexless marriage effects

No intimacy in marriage from husband or wife can be a major source of anxiety and frustration for her, but more for him. Sometimes a lack of sex will trigger a man’s insecurities and in the long-run, sexless marriage effect can damage his self-confidence.

On the other hand, a lack of intimacy in marriage for women can be just as damaging– however, not always in the same way. This is not to say that sex is not an emotional experience for a man, or that women don’t receive physical pleasure.  It is about different social programming in men and women.

Many men, for example, subconsciously have set standards for themselves that define their role in sexuality.  His self-confidence and ego are tied to his ability to deliver to his partner.  Likewise, a woman who has most likely been socialized to nurture may feel a lack of love and intimacy in marriage, during times when her partner seems less affectionate or withdrawn.

This is because women equate affection with love, and a woman would only withdraw affection if something went wrong.

This is not the case for men at all.  A withdrawn husband may be deeply engrossed in a thought or project, or he is stressed about a problem at work, for example.  When he is done mulling it over, he will come back and give his wife his attention again.

Can a sexless marriage survive?

As for those marriages which are sexually inactive for a long period of time, this is a very valid question. Marriage without sex is rarely heard of and learning how to survive a sexless marriage is not easy.

Yet, many marriages do survive without romance, emotion, passion, and sex, but even in cultures where marriages are strictly utilitarian, engaged in for the purpose of economy, religion, or duty, sex and intimacy are often still integral in these situations as a duty of a wife to her husband, and vice versa.

Though it may sound strange, it’s actually pretty smart and sensible –the people of these cultures recognize the undeniable existence of their basic primal urges, and whether for the purpose of procreation or not – they support one another in this area as well.

How does one cope with a marriage without sex?

This may be an unfair question; the question essentially asks how to do more with less. Coping with a marriage lacking in intimacy looks like a plant trying to cope without water.

We’re not talking about the normal ebb and flow of things; when intimacy decreases and rises.  We are talking about complete stagnancy of sexual marital intimacy.  A plant without water might still have green leaves,  might enjoy the rays of sunlight, and it might even be alive, but the truth is, it is droopy and lethargic, it’s sad, and it has lost its vibrancy.

This metaphor resembles marriage without sex, affection or intimacy.

Tips to fix a sexless marriage

It can get frustrating or partners may become complacent (like roommates) or both. A sexless marriage effect on the husband is bad, but it is worse for the wives. Either way, a marriage like this has deep-rooted problems that need to be dwelled on and fixed.

So, how to survive a sexless marriage?Here are a few things you can do to fix the lack of intimacy in your marriage:

• Ask yourself and your partner how you both got here.
• Discuss your needs openly with each other.
• Don’t blame your spouse for the situation. Ask yourself what was your role in this?
• Use ‘I’ statements vs ‘You’ and refrain from becoming angry or blaming your partner.
• Tell each other that you both will make the commitment to fix your intimacy issues.
• Start by holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes, initiating physical contact.